With the explosion of dating apps on social media a different sort of mating pattern is emerging. Instead of meeting your guy on E-Harmony where you’ve been expertly matched with everything you have in common and then riding off into the sunset, more often than not, we’ve traded this in for sliding pictures left or right and then meeting up for ‘Netflix and chill’. Apps like Tinder, Badoo, and Happn, allow you to secretly rate the opposite or same-sex person by the way the look in their profile pictures.
For the last few years Social Media has dominated our lives and now we are more connected and yet disconnected to each other than ever. We thought dating was hard before, but now it is almost impossible. From my own experience with these sites I have found that, not only is it harder to form a tangible connection with a person, but it is almost impossible for them to want you beyond a romp in the sheets.
Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes a random steamy coupling between two consenting adults can be all sorts of awesome. But once you’re out of your twenties that shit just isn’t fun anymore.
Personally, I find myself wadding through too much bullshit trying to engage with someone that is more interested in getting to know my nuances than fucking me. Last year I downloaded Tinder to my phone after being told by a friend that she had some great luck with it. I was skeptical of course because I’d heard nothing but bad things and from previous experience I was so over the online dating scene. Regardless of me declaring I was fed up she encouraged me to try Tinder. So I did.
I went through the swipe left, swipe right process and in about 5 minutes I had 2 matches. They were all tourist as this was while I was still living in the Bahamas and of course there was not beating around the bush. It seems on Tinder, Badoo and Happn there are two categories of men.
Category 1: Sex Fiend
This is the guy that get’s straight to the point. Either he is seriously battling a sex addiction or he hasn’t gotten laid in so long that he’s so desperate he lacks tact. This dude will approach you and within 1 minute of benign pleasantries ask you what you are looking for. Then one of two things can happen. Either he will come right out with it, no beating around the bush and just ask you if you want to hook up to have sex. Or he’ll try to be coy and flirt but you see right through the bullshit of course. Unfortunately the majority of dudes on Tinder are like this.
Category 2: Nice Guy but a Secret Sex Fiend
Here it gets a little tricky. In order to circumvent the instant rejection, this guy decided to play nice. He comes off real charming and interested in who you are. Asking you questions to get to know you and maybe for a few days or even a week you simply talk online. The conversation never gets to deep for he is a master at making benign small talk seem interesting. Then he mentions getting together and if you aren’t on your A-game, you may miss the part where his getting together means at his apartment and not out in public.
How to Navigate Dating Apps Successfully
I’m not sure that there is a fool proof way of sorting through the duds but I think these tips can help:
- Steer Clear of the Sex Fiends: Let’s face it, most of the guys you will meet on these apps falls into this category. The best thing to do is suss them out quick and keep it moving. Anytime I bump into one, I delete him quickly. Sometimes I call them out on their nonsense but other wise I just leave.
- Make him see you! Take the guy that is feigning interest to mask his sexual fiendom and make him see exactly who you are. If you are an expert conversationalist…steer that conversation into something meaningful. Show him how amazing you are, if you are that interested.
- Be honest about your intentions: From the first conversation you should state you intentions and ask his. If you are looking to build a friendship and a possible meaningful relationship, then let him know right away. Chances are if he is an undercover sex fiend then he will show himself the door, but if he is possibly interested in getting to know you more then he’ll stick around. Either way declaring what you want from the start will help get rid of time wasters.
- First Date: Do not…I repeat do not let it be at his apartment or yours! Even if he tries to make an excuse as to why it should be let him know you prefer going to a public space. A cute cafe or a bar should work well. If he isn’t interested in going out with you in public but still insist on meeting in private then move on. Unless you just want a quick hook up because that is all it is going to be.
- Your Search Criteria: This is the most important and probably should have been number one but it is so important to ensure your preferences are clear. The age of the guys will determine the type of guys you attract. Make your profile is succinct but wordy enough that you show your personality.
Overall in my opinion it is down right near impossible to find a sensible guy on dating apps. However, it has been known to happen. Since moving to France I have found this process excruciatingly boring and sometimes down right offensive.
Have you had better luck with dating apps? Share your stories in the comments I would love to hear them! Any tips you wanna leave would be great to.